


“It Should’ve Been Me”

by the_framework



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5x22, AU, Character Death, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Flashbacks, Guilt, Leo Fitz Feels, Memories, Sad, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 23:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19161637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_framework/pseuds/the_framework
Summary: In which Jemma looks back upon Fitz’s death. (post 5x22 pre 6x01)





	“It Should’ve Been Me”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is kinda like a alternative universe where Jemma was there in the building during 5x22. Enjoy!

She wouldn’t, and couldn’t, ever forgive herself.

She should’ve been able to sense that the building was unstable. She should’ve been able to see that they shouldn’t have been there. She should’ve been able to stop him from going in. She should’ve been the one instead of him.

For the first few days she kept herself to herself. The team knew they should leave her space, so they did exactly that. The lab seemed eerily quiet without his presence.

Sleep was non-existent. Jemma couldn’t lie in their shared bunk without them both there. She found it hard enough the days he was locked up, only about a five minute walk away. Now he wasn’t even on the planet anymore.

Leopold James Fitz, her life, her heart, her home, her Fitz, was dead.

—

Daisy felt sorry for Jemma. She knew what it was like to lose a loved one, but she can’t even fathom to imagine how she feels knowing that Fitz is still alive, somewhere around the unknown space. 

As much as she didn’t want to, she knew Jemma needed sleep. That’s why she made May purchase as much lavender scents as she could. That night, Jemma’s bunk was filled with hidden lavender, and some lavender due to be set through her vents.

Quick enough, Daisy’s plan got to work. Jemma headed into the bunk she would share with Fitz, looking her defeated self, and lay down on the bed.

—

She sighed. It was night 13 without him. She packed up the star maps she had been tiringly staring for hours at, with no improvement in knowledge, before switching the lab off and heading towards her dorm. 

Once into the dorm, Jemma threw herself into the bed. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. She felt herself start to fall away from the conscious reality she had been trapped in for almost two weeks. Before she fully fell, Jemma pulled herself to be under the covers- it wasn’t like she’d made herself wear proper clothes apart from old leggings and shirts since the incident. 

“Fitz,” Jemma mumbled, reaching under his pillow. An old cardigan he didn’t know Jemma had kept during their bunk clearout revealed itself. She held it up to her face and breathed in. “Good night Fitz.”

—

“FITZ!” The synchronised cry from both May and Jemma gave the latter shivers. She felt May hold her back slightly. All they could do was watch Fitz’s scared face as the building collapsed on top of him. 

Mack and May went to work to pull as much rubble as they could off of Fitz as his other half just stood in shock. The doctor inside of her quickly snapped out, bringing up the possibilities of what could happen. 

𝙃𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙖 𝙛𝙚𝙬 𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨.

𝙄𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙖 𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚, 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙙.

𝙄𝙛-

Jemma saw his face and heard his voice. “Fitz!” Jemma rushed to Fitz’s side. He looked around confused, unsure at where he was. He seemed to calm slightly when she saw Jemma looking at him, unsureness building in her gut. 

“I-I hope you s-saved some energy, c-cause my leg’s pinned. I-I think it’s b-broken.” Fitz pointed towards the exit to the room he, Jemma, Mack and May were in. He looked up at Mack. “Y-You’re gonna have to c-carry me out.” He tried to joke, although it just sounded sad. “I-I think it’s a bad break, because a c-can’t feel it.”

Mack and May seemed to freeze, and Jemma went from feeling relieved that her husband was alive to feeling worried. She noticed them both glaring towards Fitz’s stomach. Her attention quickly turned to that, when she noticed the metal sheet burst completely through his body, blood pooling out it. 

𝙃𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬.

Jemma leaned back next to Fitz’s side and grabbed his hand, May and Mack keeping their distance but still staying for support.

“Fitz, you breathe, ok?” Jemma tried to hold the tears threatening to fall. If this was the end, she didn’t want Fitz to be aware. She’d rather he went peacefully with his friends and wife, than he go aware of what’s happening. “I’m… we’re going to stay with you, yeah?”

Fitz looked relaxed as he nodded before jolting slightly. “W-We should hurry up and get Polly out, b-because she’s in danger.” 

“She’s safe now.” May smiled softly. 

“You got her out!” Mack tried to smile. “You did really good, Turbo.”

Fitz looked at them both before turning his attention to the one holding his hand so tightly he felt as if that would be like his leg shortly. Jemma was just running her eyes along his features, trying her hardest to memorise every nook and cranny of the face she fell in love with. 

Fitz smiled at her before laying his head back, his eyes closing. Jemma felt her heart start to sink, and went to look at her fellow agents before Fitz jolted as far up as he could. He tightened his grip on Jemma’s hand and looked at her. 

“Jemma, I-I think my l-leg’s b-b-broken.”

“It’s going to be ok. We can get you out of this.” Jemma softy spoke to Fitz. She watched as Fitz slowly lay his shaking head down against the rubble behind him and his hand fall. She watched the final breath leave his mouth and felt the grip on her hand disappear. 

“Fitz?” Jemma wouldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it. She won’t believe it. “Fitz.” She started to cry. “FITZ!” She lay her head down against his chest, her comfort spot, only to hear nothing instead of the usual heartbeat. Mack and May could do anything except give the grieving widow her space, trying their hardest to block out the sobs and occasional cry of Fitz’s name. 

—

Jemma jumped awake to find her pillow and Fitz’s cardigan wet. She moved her hand up to her face to find herself crying. It became so natural now she wasn’t even surprised to find herself crying in the middle of the night. Or morning, she didn’t know or care anymore. 

Sleep was too hard. She hated being alone like this. It reminded her of Maveth, of Fitz’s imprisonment, of space, and now of Fitz’s death.

Jemma hated it.

—

Deke woke up to a soft knock on the bunk he had claimed as his own when he visited from exploring such a strange Earth. He wasn’t fully asleep in the first place, having stayed awake working on a list on things he wants to experience. 

“Grandma?” Deke asked, finding the tired and sobbing Jemma at his door, clutching a cardigan he was aware to be Fitz’s.

“I can’t sleep, Deke. Can I maybe crash in here with you? You’re all I have left.” She whispered the end of the speech, but Deke heard. 

“Why would I say no! Come in, Jemma.” Deke opened the door more and allowed Jemma to enter before the both lay down on Deke’s bed. He knew she needed this comfort. And she was right, he was all she had left.

It had been about two hours lying in a comforting silence, both had been grieving in their own ways, when Jemma spoke up. 

“It should’ve been me.”

“Jemma Anne Simmons, you look at your grandson.” Deke spoke up. “He’s still out there. I know it seems impossible to get to, but we will make it. You two will be reunited. You are perfect for each other! I’m living proof you guys will be ok, ok? I love you, Grandma.”

“I love you too, Grandson.” Jemma smiled. Deke was right. They’ll be ok. She may not know when, or how, but they will be. 

It was the first night in 13 that Jemma Simmons got a sleep without nightmare. And it was the first night in a few more before Jemma and Deke both felt better with themselves, in their own way. 

And now they were sat in space, heading for Fitz.


End file.
